When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
