He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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