Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i believe in u and ur pee
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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