on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
