Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How external is "for external use only"?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
