hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
