there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
