Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
