I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize