He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
