I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize