Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
