you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
