Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
