i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
