Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
