it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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