sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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