I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
