Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
