did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
