They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
