the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
