im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
