told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
