i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
