: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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