I could have mohawked her pubes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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