Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
