Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
