We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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