there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
