hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sarcasm needs its own font
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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