So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize