Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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