hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize