As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
...so i touched it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
