she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
