I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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