john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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