PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
