yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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