so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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