I'm lost and stupid without you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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