I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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