mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
