my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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