I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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