He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
