I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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