I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
