we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
