I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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