it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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