if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
