Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
