I smell stomach acid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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