I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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