Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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