There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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