Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
