Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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