I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
