News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When are your genitals available?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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